God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfought
It can't be outdone
It can't out matched
It can't be outrun
God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hand
The sins of our tongue
The sins of our father
The sins of our young
- “The Catalyst” by Linkin Park
Day of my miserable moment, talked with a friend, whom hadn’t talked to in a long time.
He saved me from myself.
Thank you JP & Tania.
Now, rarely think about him. Don’t feel the same angst.
Really, thank you.
That’s how I feel right now. Miserable. I want to cry myself to sleep, but part of my character is that I’m a masochist.
It hurts, so much. Not being able to be with him. Not being able to talk with him normally, because of the constant suppressing of my feelings.
I can’t go on like this…
There is a heaven, for ever, day by day,
The upward longing of my soul doth tell me so.
There is a hell, I’m quite as sure, for pray,
If there were not, where shall my neighbors go?
So I was thinking… well, I don’t know what was I thinking. I’m sitting here on my couch, watching “Juno” on USA Network, and my bed is waiting for me. I do have to sleep, because I’m really tired and I have to wake up really early tomorrow, and it’s now 12:41am.
My back is killing me. Trust me, after a night of restless sleep, a tennis match and a 5 hour shift at work, standing up, I could really use an Ibuprophen, hot tea and a melatonin pill.
I wish I could have my dog’s life. She’s always sleeping on the couch. She doesn’t care about anything. I mean, why would she? We give her food, shelter, she can run around the patio and sleep on our comfy sofa. So yeah, I want her life.
Currently I am reading… Absolutely nothing. I have, like, 400 books for me to read, but I just don’t have the interest to read them right now.
Got to go… Bed is calling. Good night!
Okay, so what’s wrong with people that they’re so obsessed with making money, but don’t put in the effort it takes to actually make money. Don’t understand it.
what’s wrong with men that don’t convey their feelings? Either that, or they do convey them, it’s just that those feelings are usually of themselves. Don’t understand it.
what’s wrong with my life? Don’t understand it!
It sucks and sucks until there’s nothing left of you.
It goes round and round until you get to where you started.
It gets you and never lets go.
Maybe that’s the way it should be.
But either way, it sucks.
Have you ever had a writer’s block?
Mental block?
Speechlessness?
Sighs… I’m experiencing it right now. Can’t think of anything to talk or write about.
Can a brain vomit? I wish mine could right now. I wish to empty my mind of useless things.
Wish I could say anything.
I’m watching “Bones”.
Wonder why I like investigative series. Maybe because I like a good puzzle. I like the unknown. I like the endless possibilities.
Endless possibilities…
That’s a nice thought…
I’m gonna ponder on it…
My job, that is.
Last Sunday.
Today, Wednesday, I got a call from my ex-work.
Proposition?
New job, higher position, higher pay.
Sorry, I can’t.
It would mean working nights and weekends.
Which I can’t.
I need week nights to practice tennis.
Weekends are game days.
So, no, thanks.
Can’t I live a life?
Sighs, I quit!
Yes, it does.
Waking up to a phone call that makes you angry destroys you entire day, doesn’t it?
Mom called today. I got angry. I hung up. I cried. Wanted to be alone. Went away for a while.
Anger subsided. Went to the shopping mall. Mom called, again. Got angry, again. Cried , again.
Ate. Went to the bookstore. Mom called, again. Said she didn’t want to fight. Hung up. Bought a book. Went home.
Started reading said book. Dad called.
Anything new?
No.
You sure?
Yes.
Mom is angry.
So?
Shouldn’t make mom angry.
She shouldn’t make me angry.
The only one who can get that angry is dad.
Then he shouldn’t have had children.
It’s not hereditary, it’s learned with time.
Yeah, well, I’ve lived with you for the past 20 years.
You shouldn’t learn the bad stuff.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, you can’t control what I learn.
Hung up. Bad mood rest of the day. Headache coming.
Turns off computer.
Looking at other peoples blogs makes me want to write on mine. And that sucks when you don’t have anything to write about, right? Well, I know about this first hand.
Tonight I spent some time surfing the internet, trying to find something entertaining. But, alas, I couldn’t find that thing. So I Googled the jdrama I was watching earlier, “Celeb to Binbo Taro” (The Celebrity and the Poor Taro). I wanted to see which other dramas the actor, Kamiji Yusuke, had done. And I found out that his blog has a spot in the Guinness World Records!
So, of course, that made me curious. I wanted to read his blog, too!
But, guess what? IT’S IN JAPANESE!! And I don’t know Japanese.
So…. I tried translate the page, with Yahoo! but it didn’t worked that well, and I still couldn’t understand it.
Sighs… I want to learn Japanese. And Chinese. And Korean. And other languages, too. But, can I do it? Can I truly learn another language? I hope so. I mean, my mind isn’t that bad. I could learn, if I had the time. But that’s it, isn’t it?
Time.
With everything’s that going on right now in my life, I don’t think I have the time. Or rather, I’m too lazy to make the time.
Sighs…. Problems never stop coming, don’t they?
Right… So where was I?
I don’t remember, so here I go.
I’ve been in Maryland for a few days already, and it’s been cold and not too cold. Actually, I received the new year right here, among my parent’s friends. It was cool. I actually got drunk on wine, for the first time ever. And then Maria, maid of honor for my parent’s wedding, told my mom that she was going to kidnap me. Which I still don’t get, but oh well.
On December 30th, the country land around here was a beautiful green. On the 31st, it was a snow covered land. And then on the 1st, green again.
Now, I’m sitting in the living room, just watching the Twilight Zone on tv. Kind of boring, actually.
I hope this year brings lots of happiness to everything and everyone!
